Friday, August 05, 2005


File the whole Rafael Palmiero thing under “You Can’t
Make This Stuff Up.”

Jose Canseco, who was a big star in the early 1990s,
writes this explosive book about how all these guys in
baseball are using steroids, and names names,
including Mark McGuire. Then they all get hauled
before Congress, and testify under oath.
Surprisingly, although he looks like the Missing Link,
Canseco comes across well, while McGuire refuses to
talk and Sammy Sosa suddenly can’t speak English.

Then there’s Rafael Palmiero, who was named by Canseco
has having used steroids in 1992. He came across very
well, looking every bit the future Republican
politician he is (or was). He (again, under oath)
wagged his finger and said "I have never used
steroids. Period."

This was in March. This week it was announced that in
May, Palmiero had tested positive for a very powerful
steroid called stanozolol. That’s what they caught
Ben Johnson using in 1988. It’s supposed to leave
your system in a month.

Everybody, even Palmiero, possibly, was stunned.

I mean, what are the chances that Jose Canseco would
name the ONE guy, who more than a decade later, would
test positive? This seems to be Raffy’s defense, too.
I mean, he also just got his 3,000 hit a few days
ago. What are the odds?

Said one Congressman: "You've got to remember -- of
all the people who testified, he was probably the most
convincing. So if you asked me who would they catch,
and I were listing a thousand ballplayers, he would be
No. 1,000."

Well, now Congress is looking to charge Palmiero with
perjury. Cause they have noooooothing better to do.

They’ve subpoenaed his test results, everything.

"It's hard for me to reconcile that someone doesn't
know that they have steroids in their body. I'm
extraordinarily skeptical," said committee member Rep.
Christopher Shays, R-Conn.

Funny, but one his defenders is Jose Canseco, who
thinks it must be leftover from a while ago. No way
is Raffy that stupid, he said.

By the way, Jose is currently featured in the reality
show, “The Surreal Life.” He’s the brightest one



Yes, the President really issued this statement AFTER
Palmiero tested positive:

“Well, Rafael Palmeiro is a friend.
He’s the kind of person that’s going to
stand up in front of the klieg lights and
say he didn’t use steroids, and I believe
him. And I still do.”

-- George W. Bush

As "The Daily Show" says, Bush’s lives in world of his
own making. And it’s a nice world.


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