Sunday, April 24, 2011

Yemen President Agrees to Quit

According to the Wall Street Journal, the President of Yemen, Ali Abdullah Saleh, has agreed to leave his office in exchange for immunity for himself and his family.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Good to Know

London (DPA) -"A survey released Wednesday showed that a vast majority of British men do not envy Middleton for her future role."

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Meet The Press - April 17, 2011

Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)
Alan Greenspan
Jennifer Granholm
Tavis Smiley
Jon Meacham
Gregory: Will Obama finally agree to do the Tea Party wants?

Geithner: why should he

Gregory: the Republicans demand it

Geithner: so I’ve heard

Gregory: you must link debt ceiling and cut spending

Geithner: so you say

Gregory: your warnings about the debt ceiling are overblown

Geithner: you can’t play chicken with the credibility of the U.S. of A. bucko

Gregory: will you the shut down the government?

Geithner: Look Obama offered trillions in cuts - what more do the Republicans want?

Gregory: Obama once voted against raising the debt ceiling

Geithner: true but the whole world is watching to see how crazy we really are

Gregory: Let me tell you Americans are thinking about

Geithner: [ eyeroll ]

Gregory: the gas is too damm high!

Geithner: well you know war in the Middle East, Africa, earthquakes and meltdown in Japan are not helpful

Gregory: Mitt Romney says Obama caused a recession in 2008

Geithner: heh

Gregory: how do answer the charge that you totally suck

Geithner: we’ve created more jobs in one year than Bush did in 8 years

Gregory: I still don’t like you

Geithner: Don’t bet against America Fluffy - it survived Revolution, Civil War, Depressions and can survive my tenure as Secretary of Treasury

Gregory: probably

Geithner: we need to cut spending now so the next Republican President can raise spending

Gregory: will unemployment ever go down?

Geithner: who can say?

Gregory: Obama is insisting on raising taxes on the rich

Geithner: well either that or cut spending the disabled, gut defense, or borrow more money from the Chinese

Gregory: don’t you have to raise taxes on the middle class?

Geithner: do we?

Gregory: yes because Boehner says no way am I raising taxes on the rich

Geithner: we could afford everything if we eliminated loopholes for the wealthy

Gregory: Obama poisoned the well!

Geithner: it’s a starting point

Gregory: Obama gave poor Paul Ryan the black of his hand

Geithner: suck it up Whyan

Gregory: Won’t raising taxes hurt the economy?

Geithner: not if we truly believe in the greatness of America

Gregory: Debbie Wasserman Schultz says the Ryan plan is a deathtrap

Geithner: Debbie only said that because she’s from Florida and most of her constituents are near the end

Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] Obama is not serious!

Geithner: Calm down Fluffy

Gregory: GE paid no taxes - how do I get in on that action

Geithner: you need to lose a huge amount of money

Gregory: I think NBC is good at that

Gregory: so will you address tax inequity

Geithner: yes and even Republicans find this pretty fucking outrageous

Gregory: are you staying in your job

Geithner: no comment Fluffers

Gregory: hee hee

[ break ]

Gregory: Senator will the Tea Party raise the debt ceiling or will you destroy the USA

Lee: we will only vote for it if we also amend the Constitution to require a President to wear his birth certificate at all times around his neck on a sandwich board

Greenspan: I don’t understand what is going on

Gregory: Did Betsy get your pudding?

Greenspan: Debt is bad

Gregory: Obama Unplugged has total contempt for the GOP Congress

Granholm: the GOP has the Ryan plan and Obama has a plan and now we can have a debate and that’s how politics work

Gregory: but that’s all fantasy

Smiley: Budgets are moral documents! The poor got locked out!

Gregory: We are all ruled by the Tea Party because they Dominate The Conversation

Meacham: they are adorable lunatics

Mondale: Obama should promise to raise taxes and he will get reelected because it worked so well for me

Lee: you can’t raise taxes

Gregory: you go Mike

Lee: look the American people know what they want - more spending and lower taxes

Greenspan: Ayn Rand once told me that you can’t get out of a recession by raising taxes - then again she once served me a pie made from poor people

Gregory: Fascinating

Greenspan: We have to let the tax cuts for the rich expire

Lee: [ swoon, thud ]

Gregory: down goes Lee

Meacham: If Democrats raises taxes they will be flacked

Gregory: Jon you are so erudite

Smiley: forget the optics - what about standing up for the right thing dammit!!

Granholm: that’s what Obama did Tavis

Smiley: oh man those are just words!

Granholm: you’re a talk show host!

Tavis: and a writer!

Gregory: unemployment is still high but the stock market is going great

Greenspan: Americans have bet their retirement on shares on American corporations

Gregory: good plan

Greenspan: all those layoffs were great for corporate America

Gregory: excellent

Greenspan: but now lack of employees may hurt companies

Gregory: uh oh

Gregory: A bankrupt reality game show show host is leading the GOP polls

Meacham: Donald Trump's success proves the frustration with both parties

Audience: [ palmface ]

Smiley: Trump is a con artist and he’s playing the idiots in the D.C. media

Lee: Romney doesn’t feel pity remorse or fear - he has no feelings and he can’t be stopped

Gregory: I will now continue my absurd obsession with the idea of Jon Huntsman running for President

Lee: thanks Fluffy

Granholm: Donald Trump appears to passionately believe in something - unlike Weather Vain

Gregory: Deval Patrick says we need optimism and do great things

Lee: the Tea Party is optimistic - that we can finally declare the U.S. government an utter failure

Gregory: Alan you’re very very old - give us your insight

Greenspan: America has a good ride for 118 years but it’s over

Gregory: just like you

Gregory: Mike be honest - will you raise the debt ceiling or not?

Lee: you can’t read my poker face my po-po-poker face

Gregory: I got an e-mail from a guy complaining about Those Clowns in Congress

Greenspan: how do they stay so topical

Smiley: War is the enemy of the poor!

Meacham: Can Obama catapult the propaganda?

Gregory: Good question Jon - hey audience for more of this go to the internets where I talk to Tavis Smiley about his book and Jon Meacham about Shelby Foote’s book

Meacham: [ sobs ]

Gregory: [ hands Jon tissue ]
and that’s Meet The Press

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - April 17, 2011

April 17, 2011
Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Rep. Allen West (R-FL)
Rep. Joe Walsh (R-IL)
Rep. Renee Ellmers (R-NC)
Rep. Steve Southerland (R-FL)
Amanpour: we have a $14 trillion debt - so should we end Medicare or raise taxes on the rich?

Audience: hmm tough one

Amanpour: Tim what is the debt ceiling and is it made of glass

Geithner: Congress will raise the ceiling because they don’t want to see American credibility completely destroyed - I think

Amanpour: what would happen if we didn’t raise the ceiling

Geithner: we’d stop all payments to old people and soldiers - oh and cause a worldwide Depression

Amanpour: you seem confident that the nuts in Congress won’t default but you are campaigning for it

Geithner: well there are a lot of crazy people in office now

Amanpour: so I’ve heard

Geithner: the whole world is watching and waiting for us to lock in some real fun austerity

Amanpour: Obama ambushed Republicans by proposing a budget after they demanded that the propose a budget

Geithner: um yes

Amanpour: but is being to mean to the nuts the right tone?

Geithner: we could cut taxes and increase spending like the Republicans always do

Amanpour: ooh good idea

Geithner: that was sarcasm

Amanpour: but you are going to damage the recovery

Geithner: if we do this carefully we can boost the economy while cutting spending

Amanpour: I fear you will raise taxes on the rich

Geithner: we have to and Paul Ryan proved it

Amanpour: Boehner says no way to tax hikes

Geithner: their own panic on the debt shows you have to raise taxes on the rich or borrow more the Chinese

Amanpour: why not tax the poor more?

Geithner: there is spending in the tax code that goes to the rich

Amanpour: I see what you did there

Geithner: [ grins sheepishly ]

Amanpour: so what’s your plan?

Geithner: first we raise taxes on the rich and get rid of loopholes that mostly benefit billionaires

Amanpour: the IMF wants you to turn the unemployed into soylent green

Geithner: fuck those foreigners

Amanpour: the British tried austerity and surprisingly it sucks

Geithner: True but they have to support a gold and jewel encrusted monarchical drain on society

Amanpour: we have Donald Trump

Geithner: good point

Amanpour: what about putting some Wall Street crooks in jail?

Geithner: well they are very nice you know

Amanpour: what about prosecutions

Geithner: lets not look back

Amanpour: you will stay on and continue to preside over a recession?

Geithner: I do what I can Christiane

Amanpour: you want to cut the deficit and cut taxes for rich people noble ideas indeed - but ill you wreck American first but not raising the debt ceiling?

Southerland: we won’t vote for raising the ceiling if they don’t offer something serious like eliminating Medicare

Walsh: Tea Partiers were sent to Washington by Americans who realized debt was bad after a black Democrat became President

West: we should amend the Constitution to put the Supreme Court in charge of the budget

Amanpour: Privatizing Medicare will cost old people a lot of money

Ellmers: no - it will empower old people to make their own choices on whether they want to die or not

Amanpour: what if they can’t afford medical care

Ellmers: if we don’t eliminate Medicare we will have to face the horrifying prospect of losing Medicare

Amanpour: if the debt is so bad why not raise taxes on the rich

Walsh: no no no we must cut taxes and grow the economy

Amanpour: I see

Walsh: you cut taxes and revenues go up - it’s like magic!

Amanpour: overall people seem to hate your plan

Southerland: look you can’t do the best thing for America and expect people to like you

Amanpour: of course not

Southerland: I may lose in 2012 but I will do so knowing I did my best to take money from poor people and give it to rich people

Amanpour: thanks for coming

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Difference of Opinion

Speaker John Boehner: "I think we all know

that no one wants a shutdown."

Rep. Mike Pence: "It's time to pick a fight, it's time

to cut spending and cut it now... I say, shut it down!"

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

The Diabolical Democratic Plan

On CNN Republican Rep. Paul Broun sounded off on what he calls the Democrats' diabolical plan:

"They said…'We will shut government down, blame Republicans. There will be backlash against Republicans and we will get all these things accomplished,'" he declared. "I think it was a very diabolical plan they put together back last year after the November election. They are carrying it out."

Those clever Democrats, making Republicans look bad!

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

When is Cutting Spending Leftist?

Riddle of the Day

Question: When is cutting spending considered leftist?

Answer: When it's defense spending

The Ryan budget plan does not seek any defense cuts beyond what the administration has proposed. “I don’t intend to be a lot to the left of a Democratic president on defense,” Rep. Tom Cole, an Oklahoma Republican, said before the budget’s release.

Monday, April 04, 2011

She Prefers Van Gogh?

At the National Gallery of Art in Washington D.C., a woman tried to pull Gauguin's "Two Tahitian Women" off the wall and banged on its clear plastic covering. Witnesses say the woman was screaming, "This is evil."

Sunday, April 03, 2011

New Utah Law on Verification of Identity

H.B. 116
Utah Immigration Accountability and Enforcement Amendments of 2011

Detention or arrest -- Determination of immigration status

(1)(a) Except as otherwise provided in this Subsection (1), a law enforcement officer:

(i) shall request verification of the immigration status of an individual when the law enforcement officer acting in the enforcement of a state law or local ordinance:
(A) conducts a lawful stop, detention, or arrest of the individual for an alleged offense that is a class A misdemeanor or a felony

Arrest by peace officers

A peace officer may make an arrest under authority of a warrant or may, without warrant, arrest a person:

(4) when the peace officer has reasonable cause to believe the person has committed the offense of failure to disclose identity under Section 76-8-301.5 [.];


(5) when the peace officer has reasonable cause to believe that the person is an alien:
(a) subject to a civil removal order issued by an immigration judge;
(b) regarding whom a civil detainer warrant has been issued by the federal Department of Homeland Security; or
(c) who has been charged or convicted in another state with one or more aggravated felonies as defined by 8 U.S.C. Sec. 1101(a)(43).

Enacted - March 15, 2011

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - April 3, 2011

Jim Jones - Fmr. Obama National Security Advisor
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL)

Amanpour: the middle east is falling into total chaos

Audience: well that’s new

Amanpour: some idiot burned a Koran so people attacked a UN post in Afghanistan

Reporter: 6 US soldiers were killed in a vicious firefight on the Pakistan border

Audience: yikes

Reporter: this is a turning point in the war

Audience: problem solved

Amanpour: this moron pastor in Florida is affecting US foreign policy

Reporter: because of this guy people are shouting ‘Death to President Obama

Amanpour: that’s odd because I heard Obama was a muslim who will impose sharia law

Reporter: it’s complicated

Amanpour: the rebels got killed by friendly fire

Rebels: Han shot first!

Reporter: Tripoli is very normal today - the rebels are disorganized and Qadaffi

Marquadt: the rebels have no leaders - just a princess, and old man and kid from Tatooine

Audience: and 2 droids

Reporter: that’s not going cut it

Audience: damm

Amanpour: General Jones how is America’s longest war going?

Jones: it’s all being disrupted by one wackjob pastor from Florida

Amanpour: when do we win?

Jones: some time next summer or possibly 2014

Amanpour: depending on what?

Jones: on who you define victory

Amanpour: I see

Jones: seriously though - it all really depends on whether Pakistan is willing to go after al-qaeda which they never have done before

Amanpour: that seems like a problem

Jones: it is

Amanpour: America is also involved in a civil war in Libya

Jones: the French need our help to prevent illegal Arab immigrants from getting to Cannes

Amanpour: America is out and NATO is in - but NATO is all-American

Jones: no the US are refueling while the British and French lead the attack

Amanpour: what is the endgame?

Jones: we need Qaddafi to stay because those rebels are untrustworthy

Amanpour: who are the rebels - who are they??

Jones: we know there’s one guy named Fred

Amanpour: ok

Jones: now we need to find out who the rest of the rebels are

Amanpour: it’s very troubling that we don’t know who they are and what their aspirations are and if they have Facebook likes

Jones: we tried poking Fred

Amanpour: what about our favorite dictator in Yemen?

Jones: it’s very worrisome because he hates al-qaeda like we do

Amanpour: can we keep him in power?

Jones: Sadly those pesky people in Yemen have other ideas

Amanpour: that’s a shame

Jones: all this democracy nonsense is a vast tectonic shift

[ break ]

Amanpour: The tea party may force John Boehner to shut the government down

Boehner: we can’t just impose our will [sobs]

Tea Partier: take of the lace panties noodlebat

USAID: the cuts would kill 70,000 kids

Dean: let a shutdow happen and blame the GOP yeeeaaahh

[ break ]

Amanpour: will you guys make a deal?

Sessions: since ignoring the debt under Reagan, Bush I and Bush Jr we have to cut the debt right now!

Schumer: fuck the debt - we need jobs

Session: but the deficit causes recession oh mah stahrs

Schumer: we should not cut cancer research instead we should cut some of those damm farm subsidies

Sessions: Obama is only adding 100,000 jobs - clearly we need to cut the debt right now

Amanpour: so you say

Sessions: we have to cut $800 billion - did you know we have to borrow all this money?!?

Amanpour: wow was this true when Reagan, Bush and Dubya were President

Sessions: who?

Amanpour: Jeff are the Tea Parties going to destroy America?

Sess: no they are very mature lunatics

Amanpour: you’re not worried

Sessions: the Democrat debt will cause the shutdown of all social programs in 2 years

Schumer: I feel sorry for the Republicans because the Tea Party are all freaks and crazies

Amanpour: Chuck you called the tea party extreme!

Schumer: you’re damm fucking right I did

Sessions: the Tea Party may not be the fastest cars on blocks but they are fundamentally right about everything

Amanpour: like what

Sessions: Obama really is a black democrat!

Amanpour: thanks for coming guys