January 3, 2010
Host: Terry Moran
Guests:
John Brennan - Director of DHS
Rep. Pete Hoekstra
Sen. Susan Collins
Sen. Joe Lieberman
Rep. Jane Harman
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Moran: John why did we close the Yemen embassy
Brennan: well as soon we found out we had one we closed it
Moran: why?
Brennan: dude the hostage crisis killed Jimmy Carter - we’re not going to let that happen again
Moran: when are we invading Yemen?
Brennan: we don’t have to - the happy little Yemen government is going to get al qaeda for us
Moran: really?
Brennan: ha no just kidding
Moran: who dropped the ball with that Nigerian kid with the explosive underpants?
Brennan: from now on whenever a dad calls and says ‘hey my kid is a terror loving-lunatic’ we won’t put them on hold
Moran: bad news for liz cheney
Brennan: indeed
Moran: how come the CIA is stupider than Google or Facebook?
Brennan: free market baby
Moran: that’s sad
Brennan: just watch college football and enjoy it
Moran: Should Janet Napolitano be fired because of underwear boy?
Brennan: If Bush were President she’d get the Medal of Fearrdom
Moran: you mean freedom
Brennan: right
Moran: 7 CIA officers were just killed in Afghanistan
Brennan: we’re trying to make sure it will never happen again
Moran: we could leave Afghanistan
Brennan: no we can’t because there are cunning swarthy people in that far off land in central asia
Moran: Pete you just got back from Yemen - did you run into Osama bin Laden?
Hoekstra: sadly the innocent people we tortured at Gitmo are not happy about it
Moran: who knew?
Hoekstra: also there are many Americans who look forward to more terror attacks under Obama
Moran: we’ll get to Dick Cheney later
Lieberman: we have to declare war on Yemen
Moran: why did Janet Napolitano let the underoo bomber kill all those Americans?
Collins: I don’t know maybe she hates America
Lieberman: we need bipartisan hearings to determine which brown people we should kill next
Moran: hasn’t the time come to stop releasing the innocent people we tortured - I mean if they didn’t hate us before they sure do now
Harman: we should let them go just not send them to Yemen cause it’s a crazy place
Moran: but you think we should release them?
Harman: yes let them live free in a prison in Illinois
Moran: what should America do now?
Harman: we need a global anti-terror strategy
Moran: what an interesting idea
Harman: also we should use Bush’s privacy and civil liberties board
Moran: how would that help
Harman: when we repeal all civil rights they can give us cover
Moran: isn’t it obvious that we can’t stop every attack?
Hoekstra: kill kill kill!
Moran: shouldn’t we start profiling brown people?
Collins: to me the real question is why wasn’t the rule invoked that whenever your dad calls an embassy about you your visa is revoked?
Moran: should this teenage Nigerian be put on trial?
Lieberman: no this misguided kid should be put in a military brig, tortured, and disappeared - that will prove the terrorists are evil!
Moran: what about Gitmo?
Lieberman: I know Gitmo has a bad reputation-
Moran: because of the non-stop gruesome tortures?
Lieberman: yes but other than that it’s an incredibly humane facility - after all they have free health care and involuntary snorkeling
Moran: any other crazy ideas?
Lieberman: yes the CIA should be in charge of visas and also Africans should not be allowed to fly
Moran: isn’t Dick Cheney right that Obama doesn’t care about terrorism
Harman: no that’s stupid
Moran: but Dick is so strong - he shot an innocent guy!
Harman: we’re not at war on terrorism - we’re at war with al qaeda
Moran: Pete isn’t it disgusting to raise money for governor off an attempted terror attack
Hoektra: hey I finally got Obama to recognize that threats are real
Moran: thank for coming you repulsive man
Lieberman: thank you terry
Moran: I was talking to Pete Hoekstra
Joe: oh sorry - force of habit
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