Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Note Goes Obama Bashing

What, ABC’s “The Note,” founded by Mark “Please Please Love Me Republicans” Halperin devotes the whole article today to mindlessly bashing Barack Obama??

I’m shocked. No not really.

Here’s a choice quote:

“The Bloomberg/LA Times poll has it Obama 45, McCain 43, among registered voters. That's a tie race, folks.”

No, Rick Klein; no Amanda Temple; and no, Hope Ditto -- if those are your real names -- no, it really fucking isn’t.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

This Week With George Stephanopoulos - August 10, 2008

This Week with George Stephanopoulos
August 10, 2008
Guest Host: Jake Tapper
Guests: Gov. Bill Richardson and Gov. Bobby Jindal

Tapper: hi in case you don't who the fuck i am - do not change your channel and watch women's dodgeball -- i'm jake tapper

Audience: hi jake

Tapper: why do you hate america, america?

Audience: booooo

Tapper: Ok Bill-o what's up with Georgia

Richardson: we should go to the Security Council and get them to tell Russia to stop it

Tapper: but they're on the Security Council and can veto that

Richardson: see what a bad idea it is??

Tapper: But isn't John McCain right about everything - shouldn't we resort to name-calling and issue empty threats for all international problems?

Richardson: or we could try negotiation and diplomacy and see if we can friends to help us

Tapper: oh fuck friendship - that's for weenies

Richardson: sure Tappy

Tapper: omg god this is a serious crisis is it really appropriate to point out that John McCain's top policy guy took money from Georgia while discussing a crisis in Georgia??

Richardson: you're right i apologize - but Obama will bring together unlike Senator McLobbyist

Tapper: Is John Edwards’ career over??

Richardson: oh sure John McCain committed adultery and his career was pretty much destroyed

Tapper: no fair - it's different he's a Republican no one expects them be moral

Richardson: yeah I figured that out

Tapper: if we had drilled offshore 10 years ago we would reap benefits of great lower gas prices right now - isn't the energy crisis all Bill Clinton's fault??

Richardson: thank you for editorializing on behalf of the McCain campaign this morning it saves time

Tapper: you’re welcome

Tapper: what do Hillary supporters want?

Richardson: hell if I know - Hillary wants money and I'm helping her get it

Tapper: Bobby Jindal is Barack Obama an agent of the Kremlin?

Jindal: yes

Tapper: what else

Jindal: he's too young - who can trust him??

Tapper: so are you

Jindal: exactly who on earth would you trust me??

Tapper: McCain says Obama voted for a pork barrel energy bill that you also voted for

Jindal: that was a great bill - there was lots of money that saved coastlines

Tapper: so why did McCain vote against it

Jindal: he's a maverick!

Tapper: should we drill in the Arctic or not?

Jindal: hell yeah - my state is despoiled we should be the only ones to suffer??

Tapper: so McCain is wrong

Jindal: no he's embraced solar energy

Tapper: so should we put solar panels back on the white house?

Jindal: hell no that would surrender to the Heliofascist Conspiracy

Tapper: Democrats in Louisiana are racist but isn't the McCain wallowing in that shit too?

Jindal: of course - but I'm supporting McCain because i'm a loony and i resent the implication that a brown person can't be just as crazy as a white Republican

Tapper: sorry

Jindal: that’s better!

Tapper: should Obama cockpunch McCain?

Will: no Obama is haughty and pretentious and has grandeur

Tapper: seen a mirror lately George?

Cokie: he is the worst whippersnapper ever to darken my home city - what is he doing in a foreign exotic place like the set of Lost?? oh my stars!!!

[ whips out fan and pearls ]

Clarke: oh calm down cokie

Tapper: tire gauges - Torie!!

Clarke: this is ridiculous - all i know is people should inflate their tires and Obama is a silly person

Bye: there is no such thing as right or wrong -- i will simply repeat the campaign talking points

Cokie: this is horrible even Lindsay Graham undercut my best friend John McCain

Tapper: what the fuck does McCain believe anyway?

Will: McCain's charm is that he doesn't believe anything - he just reacts on instinct

Cokie: that's what we need - a true break from the Bush administration!

Cokie: no one likes self-righteousness

Tapper: seen a mirror lately Cokie??

Tapper: Edwards!!

Torie: women cheat too - but female politicians have already scarificed too much to get where they are whereas men see fooling around as a perk of the office

Will: why didn't the press report on this unknown fake non-story before?

Tapper: maybe they didn't know or care

Will: if the press had reported on that fucker FDR's wheelchair we would have been spared that damm New Deal

Bye: this is just like Larry Craig although he committed a crime

Cokie: Edwards is news because he might have been attorney general under Obama and we can't have an AG with a wandering penis

Will: Obama is too soft on Russia they are an evil empire

Tapper: but Bush was hugging Putin at the Olympics

Torie: true but Bill Richardson has a beard and is fat

Cokie: why don't we rush to Georgia's aid and send troops now??

Will: i loved the attack on the Falklands we should do that again

Cokie: Obama needs to surround himself with a white-haired respected guy like Nunn -- i just don't trust that dood

Tori: Nunn- give me a break

Tapper: does Evan Bayh provide gravitas

Cokie: i like Evan Bayh

Will: Bayh or be radical and choose Biden

Tori: yes it must be Bayh

Tapper: Bayh it is - Barack -- The DC Beltway Establishment has spoken

Obama: [watching tv at home in Hawaii]

oh well fuck all of you then