*************************************
DNC Rules Meeting
Subject: Florida and Michigan
Washington, DC
May 31, 2008
************************************
Alice Huff: i know this is against the rules but rules were made to be broken - and I know this could cause problems in 2012 but by then i could be dead
Other person: Rules are rules and rules must be followed or they're not rules
Other other person: this won't pass and that saddens me because we a party of inclusion
[ yay!! ]
Germond: When we wrote the rules we made sure they had meat and beef and force - dammit these were beauty contests and that tough because Hillary is attractive but Obama is handsome too
Germond: we believe in rules and to ignore the rules to be like George W. Bush!
[ ooooooh ]
Ickes: i wrote these fuckin' rules and even i don't what the fuck is going on - except that damm young black man is p0wng me
Pasquil: Rules are rules except when they are not rules
Herman: vote carries by 2/3 !!!
psych! just the vote to close debate
[ ooooooh ]
Herman: all in favor
[ YAYYYYYY!!! ]
Herman: where was all this enthusiasm in 2000 goddamit?
Herman: all opposed say Boooooo
[ BOOOOOOO ]
Herman: quiet please!
[ JENNIFER !!! JENNIFER!!!! ]
Herman: what the fuck are those weirdos saying?
Wolf: they are saying “Denver” -- apparently there are many Bronco fans here
Black Guy: in light of Obama's awesomeness i move that each pledged delegate can only cast 3/5 of a vote and in addition each delegate shall be made to wear a dashiki or a pink pantsuit at all times on the floor of the convention
Huff: you sneaky motherfucker!!!
Huff: what this party needs is unity
[ FUCK THAT SHIT! ]
Huff: you are about to the best of this party in action
[ cue porno music ]
Huff: hey protestors shut the goddam fuck up and act like grownups instead of little kids
[ WHAAAAAAAA ]
Ickes: i'll take half a loaf
Herman: gee i wonder if this was planned in advance
Ickes: hey i wore my 'regular guy' shirt
Herman: all in favor of Unity 08 Compromise clap your hands and say yeah
[ YEAH !! ]
Herman: seems unanimous to me
Michigan delegate: i move Michigan gets divided - hillary gets the palm and Obama gets the fingers and thumb
Fowler: my first choice was hillary clinton and i know harold ickes and i love him and that night was very special but i must move back in with my wife
Ickes: this is not my day dammitt
Ickes: we find this body's support for hillary clinton's former position inexplicable
Herman: uh huh
Ickes: this will hijack delegates just like a terrorist and this body is just a bunch of fascists and stealing votes from 600,000 - that's not democracy
Herman: no democracy is an election where only one person is on the ballot
Ickes: you bet your sweet ass
[yay]
Ickes: yeah you bet your ass the election was fucking flawed
Dawson: watch your language motherfucker
Ickes: you want a piece of me shitface?
Dawson: right now dickwad
Ickes: Hijacker!!
Fowler: i love that man
Ickes: fuck your fucking unity and shove it up your goddamm fucking ass
[ YAYYYYYY!!!!!! ]
Ickys: oh by they way if Hillary doesn't win she won't abide by your decision
Member: holy crap that guy really is a dick isn't he
Protestor: what about Iowa???
Counter-Protestor: shut up!!
Protestor: you shut up!!
[tv audience: ]
[yep this sounds like the Democratic party i know and love ]
Black Guy: Fuck harold ickes and his shitty selective amnesia and i hope he takes his lying ass back to political oblivion
Smith: i had my hand up!
Chair: didn't you see you white lady
Smith: fuck you fat man
Smith: i've been a democrat all my life by i just discovered that we have to support all the delegates in Michigan it makes me very very sad
Chair: thank you for your concern
Chair: motion carries
[ DENVER!! DENVER!!! ]
Chair: please please please
[ BOOOOO ARRRR GRRRR YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US!! ]
Chair: watch me looney
[ OBAMA! ALGER HISS! THE ROSENBERGS!! FREE MUMIA!! AREA 51!!! ]
Chair: and now on to new business - all in favor of cold cuts and fruit salad at the next meeting vote yeah
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
VAST CRACKS APPEAR IN ARCTIC ICE
Vast cracks appear in Arctic ice
By David Shukman
Environment correspondent, BBC News
Dramatic evidence of the break-up of the Arctic ice-cap has emerged from research during an expedition by the Canadian military.
Scientists travelling with the troops found major new fractures during an assessment of the state of giant ice shelves in Canada's far north.
The team found a network of cracks that stretched for more than 10 miles (16km) on Ward Hunt, the area's largest shelf.
The fate of the vast ice blocks is seen as a key indicator of climate change.
By David Shukman
Environment correspondent, BBC News
Dramatic evidence of the break-up of the Arctic ice-cap has emerged from research during an expedition by the Canadian military.
Scientists travelling with the troops found major new fractures during an assessment of the state of giant ice shelves in Canada's far north.
The team found a network of cracks that stretched for more than 10 miles (16km) on Ward Hunt, the area's largest shelf.
The fate of the vast ice blocks is seen as a key indicator of climate change.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
MEET THE PRESS - May 25, 2008
*******************************************
Meet The Press
Tim Russert and Assorted D.C. pundits
MoDo, Parson Meachem, Doris Footnote Goodwin, Xian Brody, Gwen Ifill
May 25, 2008
*******************************************
Russert: omg Hillary hopes Obama get killed!!
Goodwin: in her defense her analogy was completely wrong plus its clear her people have been hoping he blows up with another revelation like a crazy Reverend or a black child
Dowd: indeed they are hoping something terrible happens to him
Ifill: I fear it all the time so yeah it was disturbing
Meachem: you can't go wrong with good "meaning of is is" joke
Panel: HA HA HA HA
Meachem: she is hoping disaster befalls the nominee
Russert: you gotta have hope
Parson Jon: she is Reagan in '76
Timmy: Obama could be within 12 delegates in a week
Brody: he's got two opposition research teams attacking him at once
Russert: but he hasn't been vetted yet
Brody: right
Timmy: has she earned the right to be V.P.??
Marcus: yeah talking about Bobby's assassination is just the way to earn the invitation
Question: is Bill Clinton a pain in the ass?
Obama: that's not what i heard
Audience: ha ha ha
Obama: look i'm a pragmatist and Doris Goodwin plagiarized a good book called 'Team of Rivals' about Lincoln and even though he was named Abraham he took some non-jews in his cabinet so I might take some non-muslims
Goodwin: good idea you want the enemies pissing out as LBJ would say
Russert: Maureen is it all sexism??
Dowd: pure Poppy Cock
Russert: What does George Herbert Walker Bush have to do with this?
Dowd: she also resorts to sexism when she fails - she's like a prettier Al Sharpton
Russert: did she lose because of sexism?
Marcus: she was playful and tough and won't be the nominee because ran a bad campaign
Brody: now that she has lost to play the sexism card is whiny
Ifill: sexist!!!
Goodwin: resentment and victimhood looks bad for a woman who has accomplished so much
Russert: which is it - is she more electable than Obama or a victim of national rampant national sexism?
Meachem: god go with her
Tim: what the fuck parson Jon?
Meachem: i am not a racist or sexist i just happen to always vote for white men
Brody: this race ended in Iowa
Russert: wow
Brody: they blew it with the caucuses
Tim: that's not sexism its competence
Dowd: they helped write the rules and they still blew tens of millions of dollars
Ifill: the black voters were originally with her too
Tim: can a black man win the presnit
Meacham: in theory yes - in reality no
Tim: what the fuck does that mean parson
Jon: Obama scores on the race resentment index
Tim: what's that
Meachem: the Scary Black Man Score
Ifill: hell i'm queasy too
Parson Jon: this is why McCain is still doing well after all he is a real American
Ifill: we have to talk about race in America
Meachem: we have an Open Letter to Obama from Harold Ford about how to win over voters
Tim: didn't he lose?
Meachem: that's what makes him so perfect for Newsweek
Ifill: what about McCain
Meachem: he's a Saint
Goodwin: people don't even know his momma was white
Tim: they think he's a muslim!!!
Brody: Obama is having Family Faith outreach discussion it's about family
Tim: what is that code for?
Brody: christian law
Marcus: he's all about faith McCain is an atheist
Tim: which faith the muslim or the other one?
Marcus: both
Tim: but McCain is reaching out the family values crowd by seeking the endorsement of neo-Nazis
Dowd: yeah you can bash Catholics but not embrace Hitler
Brody: well he's in trouble now Hitler is very popular with the Republican base
Tim: will McCain pick Bobby Jindal
Ifill: give me a fucking break we have nothing to report on this summer what else would be do
Tim: spend time with our families?
Panel: Ha Ha Ha Ha
Meachem: speaking of Henry II....
Tim: shut up you pretentious twit
McCain: i was a POW!!
Goodwin: hey Lincoln and FDR were not soldiers either
McCain: will not use my opponents youth and inexperience against him
Obama: fuck that shit
Dowd: McCain has a problem he's a fucking jerk
Brody: he can't be commander in chief because of Rezco and Jeremiah Wright
Ifill: Response: McBush!!
Meet The Press
Tim Russert and Assorted D.C. pundits
MoDo, Parson Meachem, Doris Footnote Goodwin, Xian Brody, Gwen Ifill
May 25, 2008
*******************************************
Russert: omg Hillary hopes Obama get killed!!
Goodwin: in her defense her analogy was completely wrong plus its clear her people have been hoping he blows up with another revelation like a crazy Reverend or a black child
Dowd: indeed they are hoping something terrible happens to him
Ifill: I fear it all the time so yeah it was disturbing
Meachem: you can't go wrong with good "meaning of is is" joke
Panel: HA HA HA HA
Meachem: she is hoping disaster befalls the nominee
Russert: you gotta have hope
Parson Jon: she is Reagan in '76
Timmy: Obama could be within 12 delegates in a week
Brody: he's got two opposition research teams attacking him at once
Russert: but he hasn't been vetted yet
Brody: right
Timmy: has she earned the right to be V.P.??
Marcus: yeah talking about Bobby's assassination is just the way to earn the invitation
Question: is Bill Clinton a pain in the ass?
Obama: that's not what i heard
Audience: ha ha ha
Obama: look i'm a pragmatist and Doris Goodwin plagiarized a good book called 'Team of Rivals' about Lincoln and even though he was named Abraham he took some non-jews in his cabinet so I might take some non-muslims
Goodwin: good idea you want the enemies pissing out as LBJ would say
Russert: Maureen is it all sexism??
Dowd: pure Poppy Cock
Russert: What does George Herbert Walker Bush have to do with this?
Dowd: she also resorts to sexism when she fails - she's like a prettier Al Sharpton
Russert: did she lose because of sexism?
Marcus: she was playful and tough and won't be the nominee because ran a bad campaign
Brody: now that she has lost to play the sexism card is whiny
Ifill: sexist!!!
Goodwin: resentment and victimhood looks bad for a woman who has accomplished so much
Russert: which is it - is she more electable than Obama or a victim of national rampant national sexism?
Meachem: god go with her
Tim: what the fuck parson Jon?
Meachem: i am not a racist or sexist i just happen to always vote for white men
Brody: this race ended in Iowa
Russert: wow
Brody: they blew it with the caucuses
Tim: that's not sexism its competence
Dowd: they helped write the rules and they still blew tens of millions of dollars
Ifill: the black voters were originally with her too
Tim: can a black man win the presnit
Meacham: in theory yes - in reality no
Tim: what the fuck does that mean parson
Jon: Obama scores on the race resentment index
Tim: what's that
Meachem: the Scary Black Man Score
Ifill: hell i'm queasy too
Parson Jon: this is why McCain is still doing well after all he is a real American
Ifill: we have to talk about race in America
Meachem: we have an Open Letter to Obama from Harold Ford about how to win over voters
Tim: didn't he lose?
Meachem: that's what makes him so perfect for Newsweek
Ifill: what about McCain
Meachem: he's a Saint
Goodwin: people don't even know his momma was white
Tim: they think he's a muslim!!!
Brody: Obama is having Family Faith outreach discussion it's about family
Tim: what is that code for?
Brody: christian law
Marcus: he's all about faith McCain is an atheist
Tim: which faith the muslim or the other one?
Marcus: both
Tim: but McCain is reaching out the family values crowd by seeking the endorsement of neo-Nazis
Dowd: yeah you can bash Catholics but not embrace Hitler
Brody: well he's in trouble now Hitler is very popular with the Republican base
Tim: will McCain pick Bobby Jindal
Ifill: give me a fucking break we have nothing to report on this summer what else would be do
Tim: spend time with our families?
Panel: Ha Ha Ha Ha
Meachem: speaking of Henry II....
Tim: shut up you pretentious twit
McCain: i was a POW!!
Goodwin: hey Lincoln and FDR were not soldiers either
McCain: will not use my opponents youth and inexperience against him
Obama: fuck that shit
Dowd: McCain has a problem he's a fucking jerk
Brody: he can't be commander in chief because of Rezco and Jeremiah Wright
Ifill: Response: McBush!!
This Week With George Stephanopoulos - May 25, 2008
********************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
May 25, 2008
Guest: David Axelrod
********************************************
Stephanopoulos: dave you know that Hillary wasn't really saying Clinton wasn't hoping that Obama be assassinated right dood
AxelRod: yeah but even she admitted it was pretty bad
Steph: yeah but you loved stirring this pot
AxelRod: let's move on we've gotten enough mileage out of it
Steph: Hillary says today she has lost the math but is still better than Obama
AxelRod: yeah she also counts phantom votes from Michigan
Steph: she says he is more popular than he is
AxelRod: well this isn't American Idol -- after all the wrong guy won that too
Steph: Mich and Florida are two of our more fucked up states
AxelRod: indeed they are - but we have to throw the crazies a bone
Steph: when do you wrap this up?
AxelRod: either June or September
Steph: she says she is better than you nationally
AxelRod: not true - look at Virginia or California or Ohio
Steph: 25% of Democrats hate you
AxelRod: McCain doesn't even have an opponent and he can't win 70% - it's sad
Steph: you lost Kentucky and West Virginia
AxelRod: that's ok Obama is going to run with that banjo-playing kid from Deliverance -- that will put us over the top
Steph: wow big news
AxelRod: ding ding ding ding ding....
Steph: Feinstein says you should run with Hillary
AxelRod: nope - we have women who know about the high price of milk
Steph: Got Milk?
A-Rod: GOT MLK?
Steph: Hillary fans will stay home cause Obama is sexist
A-Rod: well I hope they are happy when Roe v Wade is overturned
Steph: McCain says Obama should get a drivers license before he becomes president
A-Rod: this coming from a guy whose family won't let him drive the family car
Steph: why, too old?
A-Rod: no the jangling keys scare him
[ break ]
Steph: hello Karl and congrats for staying out of prison
Karl Rove: McCain is old but Obama is about change
Steph: play concern troll for me
Rove: Obama is a hypocrite he should spend the summer working with Republicans passing legislation
Steph: that's ridiculous why would the GOP give him legislation in middle of 2008
Rove: ok let him put a Republican on the ticket
Steph: you're full of great ideas
Steph: what about McCain?
Rove: he has to be the change and reform candidate
Steph: Huggy Bear???
Rove: he must fake it like my wife does
Steph: he's screwed isn't he?
Rove: no he must authentically play the fear and race card
Steph: even Mike Murphy told McCain to stop acting like an jerk
Rove: that's Nagourney he's an asshole
Steph: what else does he need to do
Rove: get 4 decades younger
Steph: the GOP is toxic and radioactive
Rove: these things wax and wane but people are basically conservative
Steph: they just hate karl rove and george bush
Rove: eeeeeek
Steph: you're losing seats left and right
Rove: true but lets put this in context we only lost because the Dems pointed out that the GOP is totally corrupt not that our ideas are bad
Steph: this is all your fault isn't it?
Rove: our hopes lie with John Boehner
Steph: omg you are truly fucked
Rove: hey i won my elections - fuck the younger generation
Steph: you conspired to put Don Siegelman in prison and now they are going after you piggy
Rove: oh c'mon all the people accused of crimes have denied it
Steph: that's not persuasive
Rove: well how about I argue separation of powers applies here
Steph: that allows you to commit crimes?
Rove: we offered to meet with Congress in secret and sadly they said no
Steph: ok tell me the truth about Don Siegelman
Rove: i learned that he was convicted from the newspaper
Steph: so you are not denying you broke the law, ruined the Justice department, and put innocent people in prison
Rove: who me?
Steph: yeah, dipshit you
Rove: well then no
*******************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
May 25, 2008
Guest: David Axelrod
********************************************
Stephanopoulos: dave you know that Hillary wasn't really saying Clinton wasn't hoping that Obama be assassinated right dood
AxelRod: yeah but even she admitted it was pretty bad
Steph: yeah but you loved stirring this pot
AxelRod: let's move on we've gotten enough mileage out of it
Steph: Hillary says today she has lost the math but is still better than Obama
AxelRod: yeah she also counts phantom votes from Michigan
Steph: she says he is more popular than he is
AxelRod: well this isn't American Idol -- after all the wrong guy won that too
Steph: Mich and Florida are two of our more fucked up states
AxelRod: indeed they are - but we have to throw the crazies a bone
Steph: when do you wrap this up?
AxelRod: either June or September
Steph: she says she is better than you nationally
AxelRod: not true - look at Virginia or California or Ohio
Steph: 25% of Democrats hate you
AxelRod: McCain doesn't even have an opponent and he can't win 70% - it's sad
Steph: you lost Kentucky and West Virginia
AxelRod: that's ok Obama is going to run with that banjo-playing kid from Deliverance -- that will put us over the top
Steph: wow big news
AxelRod: ding ding ding ding ding....
Steph: Feinstein says you should run with Hillary
AxelRod: nope - we have women who know about the high price of milk
Steph: Got Milk?
A-Rod: GOT MLK?
Steph: Hillary fans will stay home cause Obama is sexist
A-Rod: well I hope they are happy when Roe v Wade is overturned
Steph: McCain says Obama should get a drivers license before he becomes president
A-Rod: this coming from a guy whose family won't let him drive the family car
Steph: why, too old?
A-Rod: no the jangling keys scare him
[ break ]
Steph: hello Karl and congrats for staying out of prison
Karl Rove: McCain is old but Obama is about change
Steph: play concern troll for me
Rove: Obama is a hypocrite he should spend the summer working with Republicans passing legislation
Steph: that's ridiculous why would the GOP give him legislation in middle of 2008
Rove: ok let him put a Republican on the ticket
Steph: you're full of great ideas
Steph: what about McCain?
Rove: he has to be the change and reform candidate
Steph: Huggy Bear???
Rove: he must fake it like my wife does
Steph: he's screwed isn't he?
Rove: no he must authentically play the fear and race card
Steph: even Mike Murphy told McCain to stop acting like an jerk
Rove: that's Nagourney he's an asshole
Steph: what else does he need to do
Rove: get 4 decades younger
Steph: the GOP is toxic and radioactive
Rove: these things wax and wane but people are basically conservative
Steph: they just hate karl rove and george bush
Rove: eeeeeek
Steph: you're losing seats left and right
Rove: true but lets put this in context we only lost because the Dems pointed out that the GOP is totally corrupt not that our ideas are bad
Steph: this is all your fault isn't it?
Rove: our hopes lie with John Boehner
Steph: omg you are truly fucked
Rove: hey i won my elections - fuck the younger generation
Steph: you conspired to put Don Siegelman in prison and now they are going after you piggy
Rove: oh c'mon all the people accused of crimes have denied it
Steph: that's not persuasive
Rove: well how about I argue separation of powers applies here
Steph: that allows you to commit crimes?
Rove: we offered to meet with Congress in secret and sadly they said no
Steph: ok tell me the truth about Don Siegelman
Rove: i learned that he was convicted from the newspaper
Steph: so you are not denying you broke the law, ruined the Justice department, and put innocent people in prison
Rove: who me?
Steph: yeah, dipshit you
Rove: well then no
*******************************************
Monday, May 12, 2008
The Daily Show with John Stewart - Guest: Douglas Feith - May 12, 2008
*************************************
The Daily Show with John Stewart
Guest: Douglas Feith
May 12, 2008
*************************************
Stewart: did you lie to kill 4,000 Americans
Feith: no I am very stupid but not a liar
Stewart: oh ok
Feith: true invading Iraq was very risky
Stewart: ah you also lied about how safe it was going to be
Feith: no you're forgetting how stupid i am - see I also was dumb about all that too
Stewart: you seem really, really stupid
Feith: not just me - Rumsfeld and Bush too
Feith: looking back i admit we were wrong about one thing - saying Iraq had WMD and that we would be greeted as liberators
Stewart: now that sounds like lying and deception to sell a product and killing people
Feith: oh sure you remember we tried to sell the war because it went really badly - but if the war had gone well i would be writing a book right now reminding people that we were really against the war
Stewart: all due respect Stupid i think i remember you guys selling this war like it was the Superbowl with blowjobs and orgasms
Feith: now that sounds fun - do you want a job
Stewart: c'mon didn't you sell this war with a pack of lies
Feith: well sure looking back we told lies but the lies were only clear in hindsight
Stewart: i don't believe you just fucked up
Feith: no no no - i disagree i believe this administration is mostly morons
Stewart: really?
Feith: The Bush administration is like Wagner -- it's better than it sounds
Stewart: but not as much fun to be around
Feith: that's why i wrote the book - to get my revisionst lies out there
Stewart: good luck with that dumbass
Feith: George Bush is like me and my golden retriever - dumb but loyal
Stewart: you guys totally invented the Iraq threat and mobilized this country for war with great effort
Feith: oh you're just assuming we wanted war
Stewart: i am - but in this case you had to work had to make a case for war
Feith: no you must understand - we don't *think* at all
Stewart: um, what?
Feith: look after 9/11 George Bush decided the best way to prevent another 9/11 was to invent a case against Iraq because he once tried to his daddy
Stewart: why didn't you focus on diplomacy?
Feith: we tried that - it was a lovely nanosecond
Feith: diplomacy failed when Saddam let the inspectors in and we realized he was not serious about war and cheated by agreeing to our demands
Stewart: but you lied
Feith: we had to lie because after 9/11 we need to prevent another 9/11 by attacking coutries before they ever thought of attacking us
Stewart: don't you see how immoral that kind of lying is
Feith: no i really don't
Stewart: well fuck off ya fuckin war criminal
***********************************************************
The Daily Show with John Stewart
Guest: Douglas Feith
May 12, 2008
*************************************
Stewart: did you lie to kill 4,000 Americans
Feith: no I am very stupid but not a liar
Stewart: oh ok
Feith: true invading Iraq was very risky
Stewart: ah you also lied about how safe it was going to be
Feith: no you're forgetting how stupid i am - see I also was dumb about all that too
Stewart: you seem really, really stupid
Feith: not just me - Rumsfeld and Bush too
Feith: looking back i admit we were wrong about one thing - saying Iraq had WMD and that we would be greeted as liberators
Stewart: now that sounds like lying and deception to sell a product and killing people
Feith: oh sure you remember we tried to sell the war because it went really badly - but if the war had gone well i would be writing a book right now reminding people that we were really against the war
Stewart: all due respect Stupid i think i remember you guys selling this war like it was the Superbowl with blowjobs and orgasms
Feith: now that sounds fun - do you want a job
Stewart: c'mon didn't you sell this war with a pack of lies
Feith: well sure looking back we told lies but the lies were only clear in hindsight
Stewart: i don't believe you just fucked up
Feith: no no no - i disagree i believe this administration is mostly morons
Stewart: really?
Feith: The Bush administration is like Wagner -- it's better than it sounds
Stewart: but not as much fun to be around
Feith: that's why i wrote the book - to get my revisionst lies out there
Stewart: good luck with that dumbass
Feith: George Bush is like me and my golden retriever - dumb but loyal
Stewart: you guys totally invented the Iraq threat and mobilized this country for war with great effort
Feith: oh you're just assuming we wanted war
Stewart: i am - but in this case you had to work had to make a case for war
Feith: no you must understand - we don't *think* at all
Stewart: um, what?
Feith: look after 9/11 George Bush decided the best way to prevent another 9/11 was to invent a case against Iraq because he once tried to his daddy
Stewart: why didn't you focus on diplomacy?
Feith: we tried that - it was a lovely nanosecond
Feith: diplomacy failed when Saddam let the inspectors in and we realized he was not serious about war and cheated by agreeing to our demands
Stewart: but you lied
Feith: we had to lie because after 9/11 we need to prevent another 9/11 by attacking coutries before they ever thought of attacking us
Stewart: don't you see how immoral that kind of lying is
Feith: no i really don't
Stewart: well fuck off ya fuckin war criminal
***********************************************************
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