Hardball with Chris Matthews with Barack Obama

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Hardball with Chris Matthews
April 2, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
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Matthews: Welcome to my Exclusive Interview with the Next President!!

Matthews: hello Obama - you suck at bowling

Obama: clearly i do you fat white looser

Matthews: you’re black so you’re good at basketball

Obama: i'm only half black so i only shoot from half court

Matthews: are you as tough as dick cheney?

Obama: heh that fat draft dodging loser? i aim higher than that

Matthews: but dick cheney is so presidential -- he hates human beings so much he shoots them

Obama: yeah ignoring the voters makes you tough

Matthews: but you’re skinny you look like you can’t fight

Obama: i'm from Chicago - fuck that shit

Matthews: do you hate america and will your surrender to brown people

Obama: i was right about the war and dick cheney drinks human blood

Matthews: but the war is lovely this time of year

Obama: fuck that shit and damm Hillary for voting for it

Matthews: but we are americans kicking foreign ass!!!!

Obama: you're a mission creep

Matthews: but the surge is working!!!!

Obama: hey dood the puppet regime we installed is linked to our great enemy Iran - face it bush is one dumb motherfucker

Matthews: but the brown terrorists!!

Obama: which i intend to kill

Matthews: is hillary McClinton?

Obama: no i just pointed out what McCain said which is that we will stay in Iraq for 100 years

Matthews: well why not?

Obama: we could spend that on college scholarships and on bottled water for all MSNBC employees

Matthews: i love it!

Matthews: we have lost a lot of jobs in Pennsylvania

Obama: who the fuck is 'we' Nantucket-boy?

Matthews: hah!

Obama: face it boys the jobs are gone and they ain't comin' back

Matthews: springsteeen bitches!

Obama: I was born in the usa!

Matthews: the crisis of 2009 is bill clinton's fault!!

Obama: well of course

Matthews: what’s solution to the economic slump?

Obama: green jobs fathead

Audience: college funding dood

Obama: I favor Pell grants and credit for national service like help the homeless or teh peas core

Matthews: heh i was in teh peas core

Obama: eliminate teh middle man like sally mae

Audience: I hate that bitch

Audience: Pastor Right dood

Obama: i used to pray for a new BMW and now I pray for Chris Matthews to develop a terrible mental disease

Matthews: hah too late!

Obama: let god be god and me be me

Question: Senator what's your stance on teacher merit pay

Obama: it's fucking stupid - teaching to teh test is moronic

Matthews: i love it!

Matthews: what if al qaeda tries to fly a plane in to teh capitol at 3:00!?!

Obama: so what - there's no one in the capitol at 3:00 am

Matthews: people like me would be

Obama: again so what?

Matthews: but the brown scary people!

Obama: JFK showed restraint and i want to cool and cautious and get laid a lot like him

Matthews: yur awesome

Obama: i will attack Pakistan to get Osama

Matthews: never heard of him

Matthews: how do you clean out the corrupt executive branch??

Obama: gee i don't maybe run for President

Matthews: but that's scary

Obama: I will create a culture of truth baby

Matthews: but the CIA kills people

Obama: so do i dood

Matthews: you're scary

Obama: i'm black and i'm from chicago i'm not afraid of the striped pants ivy league twits at teh CIA

Matthews: Barama what's it like to have a white mother who loves you?

Obama: it’s great american melting pot dood

Matthews: ooh Schoolhouse Rock!

Obama: i've got family members who are pasty and some who are black and they all agree Bush is a motherfucker

Matthews: you're like that kid in Soul Man - you're a white guy who learned what it's like to be black

Obama: C. Thomas Howell inspired me to go to Harvard Law School

Matthews: you wanted to defeat Russian invaders?

Obama: no i wanted to nail Rae Dawn Chong

Matthews: Clinton using dog whistles to call out the Rev Right dogs?

Obama: of course they are - meanwhile 4,000 people are dead - the planet is melting and america is the shitter

Matthews: so let's talk more about rev Right and why didn't you fuck him over?

Obama: because MSNBC is a tv network full of repressed white catholic racists

Matthews: but he's controversial!

Obama: didn't i see you sexually harass Erin Burnett?

Matthews: it was all in fun dood!

Matthews: you have will power like Bush - you stopped smoking!

Obama: yeah yeah yeah

Matthews: smokers stand up!

Obama: oh lord - why didn't i stick with a substantive show like "The View"??

Matthews: do you ever think “holy shit this is ridiculous”

Obama: only when i watch your show jackass

Question: gay marriage!?

Obama: sure - but not for another generation

Matthews: why not?

Obama: because of repressed twits like you dood

Matthews: inner city schools!

Obama: answer is pre-pre pre-K, like reading to kids in teh womb

Matthews: what books can a zygote read?

Obama: something juvenile like "Life's a Campaign"

Question: what else?

Obama: apprenticeship in the trades

Matthews: what is this - the middle ages?

Obama: hey it's that or drugs and jail

Matthews: what if you end the primaries have more delegates?

Obama: that's called being the winner stupid

Matthews: but the superdelegates could vote against you

Obama: well those people would be motherfuckers wouldn't they

Matthews: so supers should vote for you if you have more votes, delegates and states

Obama: if they deny me the nominaton my black fans and white supporters will rise and take this motherfuckin' country by force

Matthews: i love it! thanx for coming

Obama: no thank u crazy man

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