Sunday, April 06, 2008

60 Minutes with Doug Feith - April 6, 2008

60 Minutes
April 6, 2008
Guest: Doug Feith

Kroft: why did we invade iraq?

Feith: Saddam had a very scary mustache

Kroft: but he wasn't involved in 9/11

Feith: but he could have been

Kroft: but he wasn't

Feith: but he could have

Kroft: but he wasn't

Feith: we had to attack someone

Kroft: so why Saddam?

Feith: he once attacked Iran

Kroft: you're fucking kidding right

Feith: it's ‘anticipatory self defense’

Kroft: i think hitler did that to poland in 1939

Feith: exactly

Kroft: you all said we were about to be attacked

Feith: no we didn't

Kroft: [ plays endless clips of people in the Administration saying that ]

Feith: oh that - that was all the CIA's fault

Feith: we shouldn't have focused on WMD

Kroft: dood that's the whole reason we invaded!!

Feith: oh no we attacked for a whole other reason

Kroft: which was??

Feith: to help Osama bin Laden and get us bogged down in a civil war and ruin our reputation

Kroft: really?!?!?

Feith: no - just kidding

Kroft: but all that really happened!

Feith: and we saw it all coming

Kroft: jesus christ then why invade??

Feith: Bush was salivating at the idea of a parade

Kroft: the war has been a disaster

Feith: ok we didn't realize there would be an insurgency

Kroft: you were asleep in the 20th century were you?

Kroft: you didn't have enough troops

Feith: i don't know what is my own book sorry

Kroft: you are the stupidest fucking man on earth

Feith: heh i wish i had a dime for every time i heard that

Kroft: worst decision ever??

Feith: disband the Iraqi military

Kroft: you signed off on that

Feith: no i never did

Kroft: did rumsfeld?

Feith: i don't know we were too busy banning abortion in Iraq

Kroft: you're an idiot - what are you doing now?

Feith: teaching at Georgetown

Feith: if Bush had listened to me and put Chalabi in charge things would have been fine

Kroft: General Franks says you're the dumbest mother fucker on the planet

Feith: ah - but not Venus or Mars, right

Kroft: people seem to hate you

Feith: they are just pissed because i faked intelligence to trick america in to war

Kroft: oh so just whining

Kroft: was the Iraq war was the right thing to do?

Feith: given bush is an idiot then yes

Kroft: yes or no

Feith: yes the war was a terrific idea

[scrubs hands furiously]

Kroft: i don't think that blood will come out big guy

Feith: dammit dammit dammit


Anonymous said...

Ha. Nice job.

Anonymous said...

It must be that The Bobblespeak Translations and CoT are written by one and the same. Who knew?