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The Daily Show with John Stewart
Guest: Douglas Feith
May 12, 2008
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Stewart: did you lie to kill 4,000 Americans
Feith: no I am very stupid but not a liar
Stewart: oh ok
Feith: true invading Iraq was very risky
Stewart: ah you also lied about how safe it was going to be
Feith: no you're forgetting how stupid i am - see I also was dumb about all that too
Stewart: you seem really, really stupid
Feith: not just me - Rumsfeld and Bush too
Feith: looking back i admit we were wrong about one thing - saying Iraq had WMD and that we would be greeted as liberators
Stewart: now that sounds like lying and deception to sell a product and killing people
Feith: oh sure you remember we tried to sell the war because it went really badly - but if the war had gone well i would be writing a book right now reminding people that we were really against the war
Stewart: all due respect Stupid i think i remember you guys selling this war like it was the Superbowl with blowjobs and orgasms
Feith: now that sounds fun - do you want a job
Stewart: c'mon didn't you sell this war with a pack of lies
Feith: well sure looking back we told lies but the lies were only clear in hindsight
Stewart: i don't believe you just fucked up
Feith: no no no - i disagree i believe this administration is mostly morons
Stewart: really?
Feith: The Bush administration is like Wagner -- it's better than it sounds
Stewart: but not as much fun to be around
Feith: that's why i wrote the book - to get my revisionst lies out there
Stewart: good luck with that dumbass
Feith: George Bush is like me and my golden retriever - dumb but loyal
Stewart: you guys totally invented the Iraq threat and mobilized this country for war with great effort
Feith: oh you're just assuming we wanted war
Stewart: i am - but in this case you had to work had to make a case for war
Feith: no you must understand - we don't *think* at all
Stewart: um, what?
Feith: look after 9/11 George Bush decided the best way to prevent another 9/11 was to invent a case against Iraq because he once tried to his daddy
Stewart: why didn't you focus on diplomacy?
Feith: we tried that - it was a lovely nanosecond
Feith: diplomacy failed when Saddam let the inspectors in and we realized he was not serious about war and cheated by agreeing to our demands
Stewart: but you lied
Feith: we had to lie because after 9/11 we need to prevent another 9/11 by attacking coutries before they ever thought of attacking us
Stewart: don't you see how immoral that kind of lying is
Feith: no i really don't
Stewart: well fuck off ya fuckin war criminal
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Monday, May 12, 2008
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